Make Teamwork Happen

When working with teams, I often hear the lame excuse of “I just don’t like that person” or “We just don’t get along.”  You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but you still have to work with that person.  Doesn’t mean you have to love the person, but you have to be able to get along to achieve the team’s objectives.

In a weird and twisted way, I liken this situation to my aversion to peas.  Simply put, I don’t like peas at all.  Never have and never will.  Can’t tell you why, either.  Others might like peas, but for whatever reason, I just don’t. 

So let’s follow the analogy . . . do you have people on your team you just don’t like?  Others might like them, but you just don’t?  And the reason doesn’t really matter, now, does it?

When it comes to dealing with peas (or people you don’t care for), you have five basic options:

Avoidance.  You can opt to stay away from them completely.  In fact, you may spend lots of time and energy figuring out how to avoid those awful peas.  I have even seen people elevate their hatred of peas into their favorite pastime!  Are you actively avoiding someone on your team?  Lamenting their very existence?

Passive Resistance.  You pick those nasty peas out of the dish and put them aside . . . maybe for the dog to eat later.  Are you passively avoiding someone on the team?  You may acknowledge their existence, but refuse to engage.

Camouflage.  I used to hide peas in my milk so my mother would think I ate them.  Inevitably, I was always caught.  She always knew when I was faking it.  Are you outwardly playing good team, but inwardly resenting the person?  Some would call this being “two-faced” or mildly schizophrenic.

Limited Doses.  As I got older and more mature, I learned to tolerate a few peas.  As an adult, I still don’t care for peas, but if they are mixed in a dish that I like, I can eat them without a fuss.  Can you demonstrate your maturity and put your differences aside?

Do a Forrest Gump.  Can you not only get along, but also acknowledge and accept your teammate’s differences?  Just like “peas and carrots,” bring together people into combinations that work to enhance the team’s objectives.  Take a fresh look at your team members’ skills, talents, and abilities.  Notice the different flavors and diverse perspectives they bring to table. 

Keep in mind; you have a choice.  It’s the incompatibility that creates a team’s uniqueness.  If we thought the same as you, acted the same and had the same beliefs, we wouldn’t need a team, would we?

Question:  How do you deal with team members who you just don’t like?  Do you put your team’s best interest first?

To book Kristin to speak or view her products go to www.ExtraordinaryTeam.com

Team negotiations require more skill than one-on-one negotiations.  Team-based negotiations can be more powerful if done correctly.  “When the right team is in place, all of the homework is done and team members are well versed on using ‘one voice’ throughout,” says Tom Wood, a negotiation expert with Watershed Associates. 

When conducting negotiations using a team approach, he suggests the following techniques to make sure your team uses one voice:

Follow Your Leader.  Lead negotiators carry the negotiations.  The negotiation is not a democracy, so whomever is assigned that position should make it clear that he or she is responsible for providing the “one voice” to the other party in full session.

Be Prepared.  Lead negotiators use well-prepared, rehearsed opening comments that help establish the tone of the meeting.  All team members know what, if anything, they are allowed to say in full session.

Introductions, Anyone?  The team leader should start off by introducing the negotiation team members.  Remember, you’re building rapport, so take a comfortable amount of time to kick the meeting off appropriately.  Let people on both sides of the negotiation get to know each other and start building a level of trust with each other.

Listen ‘til It Hurts.  Everyone should be listening and observing everything when not speaking.  Be prepared to share your observations with the negotiation team when in caucus.

Take a Time Out.  If there is something that needs to be discussed privately, any team member can call a “caucus” to discuss the issue in a separate room.  Caucus frequently; it’s a sign of preparedness, strength, confidence, and teamwork.  After all, two (or more) heads are better than one!

Routinely Recap.  Continually summarize which points have been agreed upon, what next steps need to be taken, and what deadlines need to be met.

Follow Up.  Every negotiation should conclude with a letter, fax, or email summary of the agreements, next steps, and deadlines.

Question:  Do you need to hone your negotiation skills?

To book Kristin to speak or view her products go to www.ExtraordinaryTeam.com

Have you ever had one of your teammates complain about the same thing over and over again to the point that you could predict what they were going to say?  It may even seem as though they just want to complain and are not interested in the solution.  Steven Gaffney, a communications consultant in Arlington, VA asserts they are “stuck in a pothole of complaining and don’t know how to get out.”

When team members complain to us, we usually assume they want our help and our suggestions.  We think we know what they really want and readily provide our thoughtful comments and feedback.  Unfortunately, we often incorrectly diagnose the complaint by treating the symptoms and not the root causes.  Rarely is the moaning and groaning about the real issue that needs to be dealt with!  For example, someone who complains about traffic may really want flexible work hours; someone who complains about their bills may want a pay raise or bonus.  We usually fail as mind readers and the problem will go unresolved.

Gaffney suggests a few simple techniques to lift them out of their rut of complaint:

Intently Listen.  Gaffney believes that the main reason why complaining continues is that your teammate doesn’t feel like he is being heard.  When someone complains, listen not only with your ears, but with your eyes and heart.  Take in the nonverbals, the tone, pace, and feeling of what the other person is saying.  Then reflect the words and the emotions by saying something like, “I understand you are upset/stressed/annoyed at….”  By paraphrasing their thoughts and emotions, the complainer will feel heard.

No Buts.  Avoid saying something like, “I understand you are upset BUT….”  The “but” makes someone feel invalidated and is the same as saying, “Don’t get upset” or “Don’t worry.”  When we tell others “not to feel” a certain way, we only make them more emotional.  However, the more we acknowledge the other person’s emotions, the more likely they will feel they have been heard and the emotions will be diffused and dissipate.

Facilitate Solutions.  Change the conversation from problem-finding to solution-searching.  Ask her questions such as, “What do you think we should do about it?” or “What would you like done” or “How can we resolve this?”  By asking and finding out what people really want, we can quickly eliminate the complaining and move to a much more positive conversation.

No Excuses.  When people say “I don’t know,” Gaffney says “it is usually code language for ‘I am afraid to ask you.’  It is important to be patient.  This helps to set the tone and will condition the other person to realize that you are committed to helping them.”

Look for a Win-Win.  Brainstorm ideas to come up with a solution that resolves the complaint and is agreeable to all team members. 

Question:  How do you handle complainers on your team?

To book Kristin to speak or view her products go to www.ExtraordinaryTeam.com

Conflict is inevitable, whether you are making a holiday dinner or engaging in a lively family debate.  They key is in managing conflict, rather than letting conflict spiral out of control.

Most people don’t like conflict and react in a variety of ways:

Avoiders.  They prefer the conflict to go away.  Unfortunately, conflict never simply “goes away.”  It just comes back in a bigger and uglier form until it becomes unavoidable.  Usually, the conflict escalates far beyond the ability to engage in a rational discussion and resolution.

Accommodators. These folks prefer to pacify or placate antagonistic team members – just to keep the peace.  This strategy buys peace in the short run, but eventually accommodators erupt.  They carefully keep score of each infraction tolerated, each accommodation made.  Then one inconsequential event trips them over the edge!  It’s the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.  The “conflict” usually centers around the “straw,” versus the real issues.

Competitors. They want it their way.  Period.  No room for discussion.  The competitor wants to win and will do and say anything to be successful.

Compromisers. “You have to lose a little to gain a little” is their mantra.  They enter into conflict willing to “lose the battle, but win the war.”  Unfortunately, they never really pick which battles are worth compromising for or figure out which war they are fighting!  A compromise is never particularly satisfying to anyone involved.  By it’s very definition, no one “wins.”  Everyone has to give up something – and it usually doesn’t lend itself to the best possible outcome.

Conciliators. A close cousin to the accommodator and compromiser, the conciliator offers up something as a prelude to receiving something in return.  Conciliators offer the proverbial bone you give to a dog to get the dog to do what they want.  You could call this bribery, but the politically-correct term is “conciliation.”

Collaborators. Looking for a win-win, collaborators have the courage to speak their mind as well as consideration for other points of view.  They search for a consensus that everyone can live with and support.

Within your family or your team, recognize that each person approaches conflict differently.  The key is to manage the dynamic versus letting the conflict escalate out of control.

Question:  What category do you fall into and what have your results been?

To book Kristin to speak or view her products go to www.ExtraordinaryTeam.com

Teams typically get ticked off about six different issues:

Setup Stinks.  Even before they walk in the meeting room, team members are anxious, upset, or clueless about what they are going to do.  They feel ill-prepared to tackle issues identified on the agenda — or there isn’t an agenda to begin with!  Alleviate their concerns by publishing an agenda with a clear purpose, key deliverables, and required prework.

Process Goes Awry.  During the meeting the team doesn’t follow the agenda or the stated process.  Someone takes the team on a journey far away from where the rest of the team agreed to go.  Worst case, the team jumps in to tackle an issue without pausing to clarify the process they will follow.  When you see the process going awry, ask the team for a “process check” where the team clarifies if they are on the right path.  If no, then park the tangential issue and restate the process.  If the team agrees you are on the right path, carry on!

Historical Baggage.  Team members carry preconceived notions about their fellow team members and the work they are chartered to do.  If they had favorable experiences in the past, then they will tend to look favorably on the team’s work.  If they had absolutely horrid experiences, then they might bring their “baggage” with them.  If you think baggage might be getting in the way, ask for the team to “check in” with some initial forming questions such as “What are your expectations for this team?”  “What are your concerns about being on this team?”  “What would you like to see happen (or not happen) on this team?”

Team Inequities.  Tension arises because some team members feel like they are “pulling the weight” of the team — and the loafers are getting off scott-free.  On the other hand, some may feel like others are “dominating” and that their contributions are being ignored.  Keep in mind, this is all a matter of perspective.  This type of tension will never be resolved unless there is some pretty frank feedback and discussion about people’s perspectives.  As a team, agree on how to move forward equitably.

Bad Attitudes.  If these frustrations are not resolved, team members may develop a “bad attitude” about the team.  If you find your team spiraling downward, you may want to consider an intervention where a neutral person or “facilitator” can guide the team through a balanced discussion about what’s happening and how to move forward.

Need Therapy.  We all understand those folks who have a bad day, a tough week, an awful month, or even a bad year.  For those whose wounds are fresh, we need to pick them up, help and support them through their trials and tribulations.  On the other hand, some folks simply have a “bad life” and are more than willing to share every single aspect of their pitiful existence.  Newsflash:  These folks are not team players!  You simply do not want them on your team.  They are perpetually miserable and will make your team miserable, too!  Send them to therapy because, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to fix their “attitude.”

Question:  What obstacles are hindering your team efforts?

Ideally, you want to work with your team members to accomplish great things.  When working with your teammates, there is a terrific exchange of ideas and solutions, based on mutual respect and understanding.  When working with others, both sides are working together to achieve team success.  But sometimes we fall into one of the four sins that undermine our teamwork:

Talking At, Rather Than With, Your Teammates.  Much like a parent talks at a child, some may talk at their teammates in an authoritative “I know this, and you don’t” tone.  People with perceived power typically talk at others in a direct and abrasive manner.  They tell them what they know and aren’t really listening to what others’ opinions are.  They think they are better than others.  In a team environment, that attitude is the kiss of death.  In a team, every person has a valid perspective and contribution to make.  No one person is better than another.

Talking About Other People.  Much like when we were kids, when we don’t get our way, we talk about the other person behind their back.  Talking about other people without that other person’s ability to share their perspective is rude.  To the extreme, it is called backstabbing.  When you find yourself talking about another, simply stop!  Go find that person and have a meaningful conversation about the circumstances and why you feel the way you do.

Whining.  If you look hard enough, you can always find something to complain about.  Constant complainers whine about what happened, what didn’t happen, what they did, what they didn’t do, who they did it with . . . and the list goes on.  Misery loves company.  Ever notice how all the complainers band together?  Watch out . . . you can get sucked into the melodrama of how everything is wrong in the world. 

What to do?  Stop the complaining.  Quit cold turkey.  Or, as Clint Maun of Maun-Lemke Inc., consultants to the health care industry, eloquently states:  “Quit your BMG” (bitching, moaning and groaning).  All it does is pull the team down with you.

Talking Around Them.  In the era of e-mail and voice mail, it’s easy to flip indirect barbs about our teammates.  After all, they are just trying to communicate in the easiest, fastest and most informal way possible.  Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words have a lasting impression.  If you have a problem, go talk with them directly.  E-mail and voice mail are a great way to share information, not a great technique to solve team problems.

Question:  Which of the four sins are you most guilty of?

Your team has a problem.  What to do?  You can go running to the team leader (Mom or Dad) and ask the parents to fix it for you.  Or, as a team, you can learn how to fix problems:

Focus.  What’s the perceived problem?  Does everyone agree that it’s a problem or do you have one lone renegade who insists that “everyone knows this is a problem.”

Assess.  Before leaping to solution, figure out what is causing the problem in the first place.  Rather than treating the symptom, discover the root cause by asking, “Why is this a problem?”  Your gut instinct is a good place to start, but check out your subjective conclusions.  Verify your observations with data, where available.   Who knows?  You might find out that your perceptions are NOT reality.  You might even find the objective information leads you to a completely different cause of the problem!

Solutions.  Once you have identified the root cause to the problem, now comes the fun part!  Brainstorm all the possible solutions — even the crazy ideas!  From these ideas, look for the most promising solutions to your problem, based on time, interest and resourcing issues.  Make sure the “benefits” exceed the “costs” of implementing your solution.  Make sure your solution will “fix” the problem rather than bandage the symptom.

Test.  Make a plan to test your solution on a small scale.  Did it fix the problem?  Did you gain the benefits expected?  Were your cost projections realistic?  If you can answer yes, then roll out your solution to the rest of the team, division or organization.  Make sure you monitor the results to make sure the problem stays fixed.

As team leaders, it’s easier to fix the problem and move on.  Take the time to develop your team members’ problem-solving skills.  Walk your team members through your thought processes, giving them insight on what you would consider (or not) and do (or not do). 

In time, they won’t have to keep running to you to fix all their troubles!

Question:  Do you follow the right procedure in solving problems that occur on your team?

When it comes to teamwork, most of us think we are pretty good team players.  We participate; we offer opinions; we help when we can; we ask for feedback so we can be a better teammate, etc.

Unfortunately, some people are not even mediocre team players.  They are simply toxic to the team.  You know who I am talking about.  Toxic people suck the life out of other people.  Every time they open their mouths, it’s about what’s wrong with the world, who did what to whom and why others make their world so difficult.  They are simply miserable and want to share their misery with anyone who will listen.

The sad thing is that you have to listen to that garbage!  Before you know it, you are infected with the toxic virus and start spewing the same garbage.

Surely, all of us can have a bad day, a bad week, a bad month, or even a bad year.  We’re not talking about those folks.  They need our help and support through a relatively brief period of time.  On the flip side, chronically toxic people need a quick, swift kick in the can.  (Okay, spare the physical violence, but these people have spent years perfecting the art of polluting every great idea or possibility.)

Toxic people need a significant emotional event to jar them from their toxic behavior.  You may ask, “What kind of significant emotional event?”  For example, the team leader calls them on the behavior — first in private, and if that doesn’t work, the team calls them on the behavior while all team members are present.  Give the toxic person direct, objective, specific feedback between the eyes.  Calmly describe the impact of the toxic behavior on the team’s performance and relationships.  Describe the consequences of the inability or unwillingness to change the behavior.

And, as a last resort, if they can’t get their act together, kick them off the team.  If you have done everything in your power to buff them up, upgrade their team skills and bring them up to an acceptable level of team behavior, then you are doing your team a disservice to keep them on the team.

No one likes to kick someone off the team, but it’s certainly the avenue of last resort that you should not be afraid to explore.

Question:  If you are toxic to your team, how can you change?

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but there are limits to how far team members can take their opinions. All too often, team members forget to encourage a healthy dialogue among team members and turn the conversation into a debate of one idea versus another. Taken to the extreme, they can dominate the discussion, hoping to gain support from the majority.

In his groundbreaking book The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization, Peter Senge makes a powerful distinction between dialogue and discussion:

In a discussion, opposing views are presented and defended, and the team searches for the best view to help make a team decision. People in a discussion want their own views to be accepted by the group. The emphasis is on winning rather than on learning.

In dialogue, people freely and creatively explore issues, listen deeply to each other and suspend their own views in search of the truth. People in a dialogue have access to a larger pool of knowledge than any one person enjoys. The primary purpose is to enlarge ideas, not to diminish them. It’s not about winning acceptance of your viewpoint, but exploring every option and agreeing to do what is right.

Dialogue helps teams to open closed subjects, remove blocks to communication and heal rifts. To build a climate that supports dialogue, try:

• Asking Questions. Clarify what others are saying and ask others if they understand what you are saying.

• Making Suggestions. Build on your team mates’ ideas. Acknowledge their contributions and integrate their ideas into your suggestions.

• Encouraging Others. Not only have the courage to express your opinions, but the consideration to listen to others. Make it a point to encourage others to contribute one idea before the team makes suggestions.

• Asking for Feedback. Ask others what they think of your ideas and give constructive feedback on other people’s ideas.

• Looking for Common Ground. As people share and build on their ideas, look beyond the positions to the deeper issues. Identify areas of agreement or ‘common ground’ to serve as a foundation for positive discussion.

Teams must balance dialogue with useful discussion. In dialogue, different views are explored. In a healthy discussion that follows, these different views easily converge into a common decision about the right action to take.

Most people dislike conflict. Rather than express disagreement, they will avoid the issue or withdraw from the conversation. On the other hand, some thrive on conflict and the thrill of victory, bullying their issue until they “win.”

Conflict is a normal part of your team’s development, creativity and productivity. Managed effectively, conflict enables the team to communicate their differences, seek common goals and build a collaborative consensus or “win-win.” Managed ineffectively, conflict can lead to frustration, stonewalling, and a breakdown in your team’s work.

When your team members have different ideas or interests, take the time to manage the conflict constructively:

• Just Listen. Let them talk completely and without interruption. Actively listen to what they have to say. Look for the “why” they are so intent on getting their way. Mentally separate the specific facts and issues from their position.

• Reassure. Check your understanding of their perspective. Do not imply either of your perspectives is right or wrong. Let them know they have a right to feel the way they do. Validate their feelings but don’t mirror their emotions! Stay neutral. Don’t let their anger or excitement affect your voice, tone, body language or words. (A word to the wise: If after lots of listening and reassuring, they still haven’t calmed down, suggest that you take a break and return at a specific time to continue the discussion.) Emotions just add fuel to the fire.

• Build Trust. Agree on what the conflict is. Let them know you would like to see the conflict resolved and that you are willing to work toward a mutually beneficial solution. It is absolutely critical that you are honest and you believe the conflict can be resolved. Be truthful and don’t manipulate the situation for your own benefit. Avoid using the words, “Yes, but…” and say, “I agree and….”

• Look for the Win/Win. As you work through major issues of the conflict, take the time to summarize both sides. Then summarize where you agree and disagree. Continue to listen and empathize, focusing on solving the conflict. By moving past the positions and identifying the underlying issues, agree on a mutual solution to resolve the conflict. Make suggestions for moving forward and agree on what each of you will do next. Take time to plan positive, practical and concrete steps you both can take. Be sure to write them down so you both can remember what you promised.

• End with the Future. Summarize your understanding and let them know what you will do, what you expect them to do, and by when. Close with a check-in to make sure they are “okay” and the conflict has been resolved.

Most disagreements can be settled in a single session and have no need to progress further. In this way, you can increase the quality of the team’s work and decisions by looking for solutions that meet everyone’s objectives.