Make Teamwork Happen

When it comes to teamwork, most of us think we are pretty good team players.  We participate; we offer opinions; we help when we can; we ask for feedback so we can be a better teammate, etc.

Unfortunately, some people are not even mediocre team players.  They are simply toxic to the team.  You know who I am talking about.  Toxic people suck the life out of other people.  Every time they open their mouths, it’s about what’s wrong with the world, who did what to whom and why others make their world so difficult.  They are simply miserable and want to share their misery with anyone who will listen.

The sad thing is that you have to listen to that garbage!  Before you know it, you are infected with the toxic virus and start spewing the same garbage.

Surely, all of us can have a bad day, a bad week, a bad month, or even a bad year.  We’re not talking about those folks.  They need our help and support through a relatively brief period of time.  On the flip side, chronically toxic people need a quick, swift kick in the can.  (Okay, spare the physical violence, but these people have spent years perfecting the art of polluting every great idea or possibility.)

Toxic people need a significant emotional event to jar them from their toxic behavior.  You may ask, “What kind of significant emotional event?”  For example, the team leader calls them on the behavior — first in private, and if that doesn’t work, the team calls them on the behavior while all team members are present.  Give the toxic person direct, objective, specific feedback between the eyes.  Calmly describe the impact of the toxic behavior on the team’s performance and relationships.  Describe the consequences of the inability or unwillingness to change the behavior.

And, as a last resort, if they can’t get their act together, kick them off the team.  If you have done everything in your power to buff them up, upgrade their team skills and bring them up to an acceptable level of team behavior, then you are doing your team a disservice to keep them on the team.

No one likes to kick someone off the team, but it’s certainly the avenue of last resort that you should not be afraid to explore.

Question:  If you are toxic to your team, how can you change?

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but there are limits to how far team members can take their opinions. All too often, team members forget to encourage a healthy dialogue among team members and turn the conversation into a debate of one idea versus another. Taken to the extreme, they can dominate the discussion, hoping to gain support from the majority.

In his groundbreaking book The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization, Peter Senge makes a powerful distinction between dialogue and discussion:

In a discussion, opposing views are presented and defended, and the team searches for the best view to help make a team decision. People in a discussion want their own views to be accepted by the group. The emphasis is on winning rather than on learning.

In dialogue, people freely and creatively explore issues, listen deeply to each other and suspend their own views in search of the truth. People in a dialogue have access to a larger pool of knowledge than any one person enjoys. The primary purpose is to enlarge ideas, not to diminish them. It’s not about winning acceptance of your viewpoint, but exploring every option and agreeing to do what is right.

Dialogue helps teams to open closed subjects, remove blocks to communication and heal rifts. To build a climate that supports dialogue, try:

• Asking Questions. Clarify what others are saying and ask others if they understand what you are saying.

• Making Suggestions. Build on your team mates’ ideas. Acknowledge their contributions and integrate their ideas into your suggestions.

• Encouraging Others. Not only have the courage to express your opinions, but the consideration to listen to others. Make it a point to encourage others to contribute one idea before the team makes suggestions.

• Asking for Feedback. Ask others what they think of your ideas and give constructive feedback on other people’s ideas.

• Looking for Common Ground. As people share and build on their ideas, look beyond the positions to the deeper issues. Identify areas of agreement or ‘common ground’ to serve as a foundation for positive discussion.

Teams must balance dialogue with useful discussion. In dialogue, different views are explored. In a healthy discussion that follows, these different views easily converge into a common decision about the right action to take.

Most people dislike conflict. Rather than express disagreement, they will avoid the issue or withdraw from the conversation. On the other hand, some thrive on conflict and the thrill of victory, bullying their issue until they “win.”

Conflict is a normal part of your team’s development, creativity and productivity. Managed effectively, conflict enables the team to communicate their differences, seek common goals and build a collaborative consensus or “win-win.” Managed ineffectively, conflict can lead to frustration, stonewalling, and a breakdown in your team’s work.

When your team members have different ideas or interests, take the time to manage the conflict constructively:

• Just Listen. Let them talk completely and without interruption. Actively listen to what they have to say. Look for the “why” they are so intent on getting their way. Mentally separate the specific facts and issues from their position.

• Reassure. Check your understanding of their perspective. Do not imply either of your perspectives is right or wrong. Let them know they have a right to feel the way they do. Validate their feelings but don’t mirror their emotions! Stay neutral. Don’t let their anger or excitement affect your voice, tone, body language or words. (A word to the wise: If after lots of listening and reassuring, they still haven’t calmed down, suggest that you take a break and return at a specific time to continue the discussion.) Emotions just add fuel to the fire.

• Build Trust. Agree on what the conflict is. Let them know you would like to see the conflict resolved and that you are willing to work toward a mutually beneficial solution. It is absolutely critical that you are honest and you believe the conflict can be resolved. Be truthful and don’t manipulate the situation for your own benefit. Avoid using the words, “Yes, but…” and say, “I agree and….”

• Look for the Win/Win. As you work through major issues of the conflict, take the time to summarize both sides. Then summarize where you agree and disagree. Continue to listen and empathize, focusing on solving the conflict. By moving past the positions and identifying the underlying issues, agree on a mutual solution to resolve the conflict. Make suggestions for moving forward and agree on what each of you will do next. Take time to plan positive, practical and concrete steps you both can take. Be sure to write them down so you both can remember what you promised.

• End with the Future. Summarize your understanding and let them know what you will do, what you expect them to do, and by when. Close with a check-in to make sure they are “okay” and the conflict has been resolved.

Most disagreements can be settled in a single session and have no need to progress further. In this way, you can increase the quality of the team’s work and decisions by looking for solutions that meet everyone’s objectives.